Are You A People Pleaser? Here is How to Quit.

People pleasing, also known as “sociotrophy” is defined as being overly concerned about making other people happy. 

A people pleaser may find themselves: 

– Wanting to say no but can’t without feeling intense guilt or regret 

– Overly using the word sorry when they have no reason to be sorry 

– Neglecting their own needs for those of others 

– Doing things strictly to earn approval or validation 

– Agreeing with others even if they do not. 

What is the difference between being nice and being a people pleaser? 

Being nice means doing something out of the kindness of your heart, because you can and because you want to. 

The latter, do things strictly to feel accepted, liked, and validated.

People pleasers get burnt out quickly by trying to handle everything on their plate plus, saying yes to every request that comes their way. They may get resentful and frustrated with those around them that do not understand their impulse to say yes. People that are not people pleasers usually have a healthy balance between saying yes and no to requests from others. So, they often think the people pleaser can handle it without inquiring further. 

How to stop being a people pleaser? 

-Self-awareness is the first step for change. 

– Start setting boundaries, one “no” at a time.

– Write lists of your priorities starting with personal ones, then obligations for others. 

– Validate yourself through your self-talk.  

– Work on saying no without making excuses for the no. 

For more discussion on people-pleasing, check out our podcast, episode #2 of Chaos in Perspective.